By Gisela "Jayce" Riggio (Jayce6@gte.net)
DISCLAIMERS: Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers is copyright 1986-present to Sir Robert Mandrell, Gaylord Productions, Transcom Media Inc., ITF Enterprises Inc., Hearst Entertainment, and KOCH Vision. The creator/author of this and related websites makes NO claim of ownership to any of the characters, events, locations, quotes, situations, stories, and tales associated with the above program. ALL original characters, events, fan fictions, lists, locations, opinions, quotes, situations, stories, and tales plus these rationalizations are the author's property and CANNOT be used without permission. This is a piece of non-profit fan fiction. Please send all inquiries to Jayce6@gte.net -- flames will be forwarded to the Queen of the Crown.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: The inspiration for this comes from Rationalizations For Women Who Do Too Much While Running With the Wolves by Allison McCune and Tomye B. Spears (Holbrook, MA: Bob Adams, Inc., 1994). Their nutty excuses for anything in life inspired the following.
RATIONALIZATIONS FOR BEING ONE OF THE SERIES FIVES
Bending the rules is how I get my kicks
Biodefenses, Gifts, Thunderbolts, & Tweakers. Need I say more?
Cybersteeds are MUCH smarter than the Queen's mutated mounts!
Doc can hack into the school computers and erase my bad grades
Geezie is always intimidated enough to give good information
GV and ALMA are cooler than flight attendants
Having a highly-skilled teammate watching my back is always a smart idea
I can always fight my way out of insanely impossible odds
I get to visit far-off planets (Tortuna, Tarkon, Granna, etc.)
I LIVE to see the ongoing romantic angst between Goose and Niko
I'm taking "nasty look" lessons from Zach. If _anything_ can intimidate Wheiner...
It's NEVER dull!
My reasons "Why I Became a Galaxy Ranger" are in the hundreds
My reasons why I'm sorry I did it are in the high thousands
My singing voice and musical skills have greatly improved
No Guts, No Glory!
Nobody ticks the Series Fives off and gets away with it!
Ranger One and Goose's Interceptor are the only ways to fly!
The leftover power in my badge comes in handy during blackouts
Three Words: Series Five Implants
Walsh usually gives 24 hours to pull off the impossible
Who ELSE can dress up as Zanquil peddlers every other week and get away with it?
RATIONALIZATIONS FOR BEING A GALAXY RANGER IN GENERAL
All for one and one for all!
Beats that opening in Wheiner's personal staff
Daley, Lock, and Rowley are great for backup and extra muscle
Gotta love the on-the-job training
I can relieve my stress at the BETA shooting range with lazer pistols and rifles
I get to see the galaxy for free!
I'd rather fight the entire Crown Armada than listen to one more complaint from Wheiner
The Ranger Academy gives the best education in the known galaxy
The badge is great for reflecting lazer beams back
The job has everything I need: deadly weapons, full health coverage, prestige, regular paychecks, and risking my hide on an hourly basis
The uniform means I never have to worry about what to wear
With so many other Rangers around, the chances of me winding up as cannon fodder are near zilch
RATIONALIZATIONS FOR BEING A CROWN AGENT/TROOPER
Androids don't get sick
At least my fellow officers have dumb voices, too
Built-in armor protects me from SOME damage
I can be as sneaky as I want
I can always work as a stunt double or "Crash Test Dummy" on the side
I get away with a lot, since Crown Agents and Troopers all look the same. I'll just frame the guy beside me...
If I ever crash on a desert planet in the Empty Zone, I can become leader of a native tribe!
Lazer pistols plus explosives plus alien steeds equal tons of fun at parties
No one can blame me for taking bribes
The merchants in Tortuna City give me the best deals
The Queen orders me to terrorize the most interesting people...
There's always tons of backup. (Whether or not they'll actually do any good is another matter.)
Unlike Slaverlords, I DO have a mind of my own!
RATIONALIZATIONS FOR BEING A SLAVERLORD
I can intimidate people without even trying
I'm not responsible for my actions
Independent thinking is highly overrated
My body is kept safely in stasis and doesn't suffer aging, hunger, pain sleeping, or thirst -- it's the Secret to Eternal Youth!
My favorite game is playing "Connect the Dots" with the sparkles on my face
Psychocrystals fetch a hefty price on the black market
So WHAT if the Queen of the Crown is an overbearing, power-hungry, genocidal maniac?
The job description's easy: stand around, look mean, escort the Queen everywhere, and act as her bodyguard, bouncer, & mobile mouthpiece
The merchants in Tortuna City give me everything free of charge
Whenever Queenie looks and/or speaks through me, I can tune into Tri-D Video...
White is the stylish color this season
RATIONALIZATIONS FOR BEING A RENEGADE SUPERTROOPER
Battle-trained reflexes are in high demand, so I'll always have steady employment
Biodefenses come in handy when dating. You NEVER know where the other person's been...
Facial tattoos mean I never have to worry about makeup
Freaky powers are useful in a pinch
Hey, it's nice to feel wanted!
I can wear whatever I want and nobody will laugh
I vacation at the one place they'll never look: Wolf Den!
I want to get rich selling Wheiner Dartboards -- complete with explosive darts
I'll never need anything in the Cryocrypt
My "hypnotic charms" convince people to do my bidding
My popularity's skyrocketed: people are gunning for me left AND right!
People always fall over if I look at them too hard
Shane Gooseman and Darkstar are my idols!
Turning into stone is a great gag at parties
X-Men is my favorite comic of all time
RATIONALIZATIONS FOR BEING IN THE BLACK HOLE GANG
Blowing rival gangs away is my idea of a good time
Daisy O'Mega's my mentor
Deltoid Rock's not THAT bad
Eyepatches appeal to me
I can drink all of Tortuna City under the table without blinking
I get to hang with a bunch of raving, loony, temperamental criminals -- my kind of people!
I'm a firm believer in tossing my reputaiton out the airlock
It's my destiny to fly souped-up pieces of junk
Laws?! I don't need no stinkin' laws!
That stash of starstones is MINE MINE MINE!
They've got the coolest tattoos
RATIONALIZATIONS FOR INSULTING SENATOR WHEINER
Can we say "Human Punching Bag?" SURE we can!
Eve Wheiner: The Idiocy Continues.
Even mad scientists won't take his brain!
Good luck trying to find 12 people in the galaxy that DON'T feel the same way. I'll get off scot-free...
He asked for it!
He does absolutely nothing except make BIG mistakes
His face just screams "Plastic Surgery Victim"
I need to relieve my stress. The fact that he's the source of it helps.
It's against my religion to willingly listen to stupid bureaucrats.
The Wheiner family evolved from the shallow end of the gene pool
Two Words: Renegade Supertroopers
Wheiner was voted "Most Likely to Become An Annoying Toad" in kindergarten
DISCLAIMERS: Adventures of the Galaxy Rangers is copyright 1986-present to Sir Robert Mandrell, Gaylord Productions, Transcom Media Inc., ITF Enterprises Inc., Hearst Entertainment, and KOCH Vision. The creator/author of this and related websites makes NO claims of ownership to any of the artwork, characters, events, images, locations, quotes, pics, situations, stories, tales, and thumbnails associated with the following animations, audio cassettes/CDs, books, cartoons, comics, graphic novels, people, programs, movies, and videotapes. ALL original addresses, character profiles, characters, episode information/profiles/summaries, events, fan fictions, FAQ answers, gallery reviews, humor, lines, lists, locations, opinions, quotes, pages, personal biographies, sites, situations, statistics, stories, tales, and vehicle profiles are the creator's/author's property and CANNOT be used without permission. No profit is made off these fan pages. Please send all inquiries to Jayce6@gte.net.